I Can Write These Songs, Now My Folks Are Dead

Showstopper
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Well, I am a showstopper.
Everybody knows not to begin with a showstopper.

I stop the show. I’ll stop the show dead in its tracks.
I’m a showstopper...

Nobody lets me go on stage before them.
I’ll stop the show. I destroy the stage.
I break the mold. I’m a showstopper.

(Ladies and gentlemen... Boys and girls...
Introducing the star of the show.
Introducing the showstopper.)

No one wants to go... cause I’m a showstopper.
I’m a showstopper...

She Needed Me
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

You needed me, and I needed you.
You hated me, and I hated you.
This is why we’re so perfect for each other. Oh.

You baited me when baiting was all that I needed.
She elated me. Elation was what she needed.
What we needed, I needed too. What they needed, we all need too.

Nine Syllabakky Words
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Oh, I am best friends with George A. Romero.
Oh, I am best friends with my bones and my marrow.
I am so dead, I can’t even stand it.
It’s gone to my head. You’ll have to shoot out my brain.
I’ve gone insane.

Run me over with a bulldozer,
Or pack me up. I’m just a dozer.
I’ll fall asleep on your couch, but you won’t get rid of me.
Oh you won’t ever get rid of me.

And I wanted so bad to meet your family,
Your mom and your dad. I thought that they’d have me.
I thought I was bad and they were the best.
They produced you, little girl. They produced all the rest.
Oh, I wanted so bad...

Oh... na na na...

I played my guitar for your little sister.
She called me "sir" and she called me "mister."
I told her to stop, but she ran away,
And I said to come back, but she never did.
I’d say. I can only say, hey,
Nine syllabakky words...

I Need a Haircut
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

This is the house that I played in,
The rivers that I splashed in,
The water I’s baptized in,
The cross that I died on,
The mother that was born me,
And my father that was shorn me,
And I cut my hair and I cut my hair,
And I cut my teeth on a fence post, babe baby...

And this is the car that I drove to work in,
And this is the frock that I spoke to my church in,
And this is the time that I know you are listening.
You’re greasin’ up your kitchen and you’re eatin’ your fried chicken,
Oh yeah, baby...

What’s today? Ain’t had a calendar since 1973...

Well, maybe you know what I talkin’ about,
And maybe you rather I just scream and shout
On the stage with my microphone and my guitar in my hand,
Or maybe you’d rather I had an oompa band goin’
Oompa loompa, baby...

Bring the drums in, oh my baby...
Really jammin’ now with the drums.
We really like the drums.
I’m a drummer, you didn’t know it.
I’m a drummer. I’m a poet, baby.
Oompa loompa... I need a haircut...

On a Tuesday
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Well, I married you Tuesday. I’d marry you today
If they’d let me do it, if you let me have my way, pretty baby.

Well, I’d marry you in the morning. I’d marry you at noon.
I’d marry you in the evening. Let me marry you soon, pretty baby.

We got a divorce cause I let you go.
We got a divorce on account of the snow.

Sunshine doesn’t last all morning, but winter doesn’t last all afternoon.
And the evening is so dark we can’t even tell what the weather is,
So, baby, let me marry you again soon.

Oh, cause I don’t even know what being married is,
But I know I wanna be it with you.
I don’t even know what marriage is for,
But I so much want to marry you...

Well, even my mother, she said she would disown me.
And even my father, he says, "Boy, don’t you know what you’re getting into?"
My bro and sister, they ran off to join the circus.
They don’t care. They’re raising snails in their plantation, in their tents.

Oh, but I’ve got an itch that she can only scratch,
And I’ve got an egg that I want her to hatch.
I want her to have my baby. I want her to have my little boy.
He’s inside me. He told me, "Oh, daddy, I want out."
He said, "I want to be born. I gotta get out.
Cause you’re gonna die, and then what’ll you do
When there’s no one around who will do what you do?
Cause nobody on earth will do what you do,
Cause no one knows how you do what you do, but I do, daddy, I do.
But I’m trapped, trapped in your tubes.
And she’s the only one who can make me be the one for you."

I’ll marry her on a Tuesday.

I’ll Wait
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I’ll wait until the darkness falls.
I’ll wait until my car does stall.
I’ll wait until my dog runs away.
I’ll wait until he turns to me.

I’ll wait until we get all bombed.
I’ll wait until I know my mom.
I’ll wait until I kill my dad.
I’ll wait until I had been had.

But I won’t wait for you for another day.
I won’t wait for you. No, no way.
I won’t wait for you for another cotton-pickin’ second.
I won’t wait for you.

I’ll wait until the internet dies.
I’ll wait until we have big thighs.
I’ll wait until the Pizza Huts die.
I’ll wait until that pie in the sky comes for me.

I’ll wait until our staplers crash.
I’ll wait until our cupholders dash.
I’ll wait until I grow a third leg.
I’ll wait until I am a square peg.

But I won’t wait for you, not another moment.
I won’t wait for you one nanosecond more.
I won’t wait for you.
You better come and sniff some glue.
Get yourself excited for me,
Cause I’m not waitin’ for you anymore.
Stick yourself with a pin. Do what you got to, honey.
You know I’m not waitin’ for you...
No, I’m not waitin’ for you...

Dangle
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Pick me up, you holy angel
With your wings, and make me dangle
O’er the fire. You know it’s so hot,
And you know that I will not go
Peacefully. You’ll have to force me.
That’s okay. And ride a horse. We’ll
Ride so far, we’ll meet the death man.
He’ll be there. He’ll hold our right hand.
Then you’ll know that I’m a savior.
He will know that I am graver
Than he was when he first met me.
Now he knows he can’t forget me.
So I’ll go to Heaven one day,
But I can’t if you won’t let me.
Take me now, you holy angel
With your wings, and let me dangle
Freely o’er the fire.
I’ll perspire blood and I’ll know
That it’s so, that it’s so.

With your wings, I know I’ll rapture,
Fly away, and you can capture
Bumblebees inside their stingers.
Take me down. You know your wings are
So bright they blinded my eyes.
I am Saul, and now I’m Paul.
I know I’m dead, but Paul is dead, but
Saul’s alive. He knows he’s bread.
He’s bread... He’s water... He’s wine...
He’s feeling fine. He’s fine.

The plow goes in a straight line,
But I’ve been moving from side to side.
I need some blinders on my eyes.
I need to know that you’re alive.
I need to know that I can die out,
Need to know that I can cry out
To you, Lord. I need to know you,
Need to know that you can show me.
I can go right to the Hell,
Or I can go to the well
And throw my coin and do my offering.
I don’t care. It’s so much trouble now.

One more time I’m gonna ask you,
Will you make me wrestle you like
I did once, back in the day,
Back the time you went in my way?
Took my head and led me cross the
Bridges that you knew would fall in,
In the crocodile’s mouth, they
There were there, were ticking loudly.
Time is ticking away so fast.
I am so scared I ain’t gonna last.
I’m gonna die, I’m gonna crash,
And then I’ll fall just like a tree,
And when I rise I’ll be the same,
But will you even know my name?
Or will I even make it there?
I am so scared, I am so scared.
I don’t know what’s gonna happen.
All I know is that I’m nappin’.
Wake me up. Awake, a-shake me.
Whatever you do, just shake me now.

I See a Ghost
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I see a ghost...
And the real question is do I wanna be with you or the ghost?
I am the host...
And the real question is do I wanna host you or the ghost?
I see a ghost... I am the host...

Drinking Again
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Goodbye, I’m sorry you have to go.
I wanted to chat with you, don’t you know?
Goodbye, but I’ll see you again next year.
I wanted to wash it away with a beer.

Cause I been drinkin’ again, buddy.
I been drinkin’ again, don’t you know?
I thought I had put it away, buddy.
But I been drinkin’ again.

Hello, you decided to stay.
Well, you know that really makes my day.
That really makes my day.

Cause you started drinkin’ again.
I’m so glad you started drinkin’ again.
You know you’ve always been my best friend,
Especially now you’re drinkin’ again.

Spendthrifts
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I went shoppin’ with my honey.
We spent a lot of money.
And, hell, boy, we deserved to.
We’ve been eatin’ nothin’ but beans.

We bought some prime riblets.
We bought ten pounds of giblets.
And then I took her to buy a pretty dress.
And then she took me to make a big mess
Of our financial state once again.
Some say that it’s a sin,
But we don’t care. We don’t care.
She told me, "Fuck not eating."
She told me, "Fuck not wearing what we wanted." Yeah.
And I said, "You’re right." I said, "You’re right.
We might be poor, but we don’t have to live that way,
At least not for today. We can be poor again tomorrow.
What are we savin’ for anyway?
I don’t see no paychecks comin’ in the mail anytime soon.
You’re my wife and I’m your groom, so let’s enjoy each other, baby.
Let’s enjoy each other, brother.
Let’s enjoy each other, sister.
Let’s enjoy each other, and let’s have a baby." Hey hey.

Billy
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Oh, Billy, oh, Billy, oh what did you do to me?
I’m singin’ this song and it’s not a parody
Of you or nobody that I can think of.
Oh, Billy, oh, Billy, does this mean that I’m in love with you?

Well, some might say that it’s just a tribute,
But I don’t care and I won’t believe it,
And you shouldn’t either. I’m not singin’ to you anyway,
Billy boy. I’m not singin’ to you anyway.

Pow’r
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I’m so inspired. I’m like Spencer for Hire.
I’m a bird on a wire. I’m The Equalizer.
I feel so inspired. I’m not even tired.
It’s three in the morning, but I just feel wired.

And I’m so encouraged that I’m not discouraged,
And I feel so good that I don’t feel at all bad.
And I feel so fine that I think I might be giddy.
Look at me and tell me, am I silly?
What do I look like sittin’ in this chair,
Rockin’ back and forth in my underwear,
Strummin’ this guitar and sayin’ I don’t care
About you and what you think anyway?

And I’m so happy, I’ll take a wee nappy
Tomorrow afternoon when I’m finished with school,
Cause I won’t sleep tonight, cause I’ll be up all night
Writing these songs so you can sing along.
I don’t know who "you" are, and that "you" was in quotes.
And if you know who "you" are, then you’re a billy goat,
Cause you don’t know nothin’, and I know even less.
And that’s all right, baby. My life’s not a mess anymore.
It’s the pow’r of this song.

Sprinkling
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Part One

Curled next to you inside your bed,
I want to be inside your head.
I want to be the same as you.
I want you to be the same as me.
I wish I could be inside of you
And you could be inside of me.
I’m speaking metaphysically.
I’m also speaking physically.
Cause to me, it’s the same, you see.
It’s physical. It’s meta, see.
It don’t really matter, you see
What you think and what you think and see,
Cause I know that you are the girl for me,
And I know that I am the boy for you.
And I’m curled to you, and you look so good
That it makes me know that you know I should be with you.
Round abouts way of sayin’ it,
Sayin’ it and not sprayin’ it.

Part Two

Sittin’ here next to you,
Wonderin’ what next to do.
I wanna be inside you.
I want you to be inside me.
I’m speaking metaphysically.
I’m also speaking physically.
It’s all the same, you see, to me.

Part Three

I see you as the prettiest thing.
I wanna give you a diamond ring.
I’m speaking metaphysically.
And I’m speaking physically.
Cause it’s all the same to me.

Cause we are just dust, and so we must elevate ourselves.
We are just dust, and so we must take ourselves off the shelf
From the urn that we’re born in,
Sprinkle ourselves somewhere, dear.
I think I’d pick Niagra Falls. You might pick Rock City.
Did I tell you already you’re pretty?
I’m so in love with you...

To Go Home
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

You know when it’s gone. You know when to go home.
When the spirit is gone, you might as wells to go home.
We’ve pumped and we’ve primed. We even had a good time.
But when the spirit is gone, we’d might as wells to go home.

Besides you got a pot roast in the kitchen. You’ve been thinkin’ about it all the day.
It’s probably why the spirit left us. You been thinkin’ about the meat...
You came for the food... You came for the loaves and fishes...
That’s okay...

So you know when the spirit gets so low.
We don’t wanna feel so low, so we’d might as wells to go home.
It sounds just like a song when he says we get to go home...
Oh, Lord, I wanna go home. Why can’t I go home?

So now the spirit is gone. We might as wells to go home.
There ain’t nothin’ wrong when admittin’ it’s time to go home.
We been here for so long, that we’d might as wells to go home.
We’ve pumped and primed so long that we need to now to go home...